NPC Emerald Cup - 5 days out

So I'm 5 days out. Today I did legs. Just a few supersets, 3 x 20 major exercises to burn out the glycogen. No carbs in my diet now aside from what's in all the asparagus I'm eating to drop water. I've made some HUGE changes and progress and I'm super excited about that. It's funny people's interpretations or views on that. Some people think that people who make changes like that are on steroids or other things. Ignorance. Jealousy because they are not making their own progress. Probly eating way too many carbs and/or drinking. But also everyone has their own opinions. Yesterday a friend told me that the big buff tatted dude at the booth next to us said I was 'jacked'. haha SuhWEET! I don't always see it. I mean I do in the selfies when I'm posing but never sure how I look to others. Today I saw a colleague who hadn't seen me in months, since like 20lbs ago, and she was like 'you got skinny! what' going on?" And I told her I had a show on Friday lol. So as if you're not already going back and forth in your own head, you have all these different opinions being thrown at you.

I'm also chugging a TON of water! 1-2 gallons a day. And I'm still THIRSTY!!! This is the effect different foods and ratios have on the body. I wouldn't recommend trying it, just take my word for it ;) 

This is me a few days ago. Lots of progress. My back is my best feature and its starting to show. The lighting in this locker room is horrible and has not reflecting what I and others have actually seen in my progress but it is what it is. Quad separation is good, shoulders are more capped then before. I'm still crooked, yes I AM, not the suit or how I'm standing. Chest has more definition,...I've really been working on that and finally have a pec separation. Also a lot less boobs, HAHHA! They are 'manageable' now.  

So everyone thinks I look Awesome and I'm 'gonna win'. It's really hard to be nice and take a compliment when you know it's not true. THIS is my weak spot. And despite all my progress, and how lean everything else is getting, THIS CRAP is still there. I am embarrassed by these photos. 'Normal people' don't know how ROUGH the competition is, and yes, every little line needs to be where it should. So do I feel confident? lol nope.  

 

This is not the bootie of a Figure Competitor. Again, the lighting is awful and I'm not tanned, but still. Yes, there will be improvement as I drop my water and dry out. I will tighten up, but not to the extent I need to. But I have to remember my approach this time. Although I REALLY wanted this show, I also wanted BALANCE. I allowed cheat meals. I had a little flexibility. Because I KNOW I can diet like crazy. But I also know I can balloon back up quickly. And I do not want that. I don't want the mental struggle and rebound I usually have. So the loss of over 20lbs was almost painless to me. I dieted, yes. But I feel like when I made changes the weight came off. And I enjoyed my food. I'd rather be a lower trophy and be able to maintain it all year round than to win one show and gain 30lbs back after that.

It's ok. The work is done, the final stages are in place. I'm getting caught up on rest these next few days and prepping and packing. Sara and I will enjoy this adventure to WA together and then hang out in Seattle and enjoy food like normal people lol. I'm already thinking to my diet and training for the next two months as NPC San Jose is on June 29th. All I really need to do is tighten up and drop a few more lbs or gain a lil muscle. I can come in very lean. And I have  few special events planned already for my cheat meals. If I keep it tight I should be able to allow them and then I will have something that I can start to live with as a normal life.

Emerald Cup: < 2 Weeks Out

Ok, it's CRAZY TIME!! Everyone else thinks I look "Amazing!". Great. They are NORMAL. Meanwhile I am pinching the fat on my ass every hour waiting for it to get smaller. I am wondering whether I should even be on that stage AT ALL! Oh, damn.....what's that in the mirror? Whoa....my shoulders look great! Awesome improvement!! A chest line finally!!!! LOTS of HARD work! I turn around..nope...no glute/hamstring line. Nothing there. :( ugh. It's an emotional roller-coaster that I just can't explain. The level of leanness and definition I need to achieve is something most people just can't relate to. And if I complain to people, they just look at me like I'm crazy.

 

I go to the store which seems pointless with aisles of food I can't have, people eating all these things, munching away 'whenever they feel like it'. How unstructured!! (I realize I am the outlier, they are 'normal'). I wonder if I can ever eat normal again. BALANCED I mean. Last time I went nuts and had to lose this 30lbs! I'd rather not even let myself do it. I do like my food, I mean I've really learned how to cook! :)
 
SO, what to do? Well I started carb cycling last week. That means I have different servings of carbs depending on my day. More for the day I teach 3 classes and lift, medium for the other days, and low for the days I am not teaching or am resting. Big changes, but I need more and don't want to risk it. So I will do my high day tomorrow(Monday when I teach all those) but then I will do a full carb depletion cycle. With no carbs my body will be forced to burn fat (although slower, and less efficiently) and I will also drop water. REMINDER: What I am doing is NOT for most people! There is a whole series of things I have done up until this point for this to happen, it's not just something you do, it doesn't work for everyone it's NOT a 'healthy option' and I don't recommend it. I am doing it to look SCARY LEAN ON STAGE. They I will have a carb-up day and see where I'm at. I am thrown off a little having a Competition on Friday where it's normally on Saturday. So I will have to start my Peak Week a day earlier, on Saturday. So I can only do one cycle before I do my Peak Week Depletion Cycle.

 
What would a cheat do??
- I get asked this a LOT. "How big a deal is it, really??" A HUGE DEAL right now! I have been training and dieting for MONTHS. I am dropping every ounce of fat I can while preserving each tiny bit of muscle I have worked SO HARD to gain. I am playing with my carbs to trick my body into losing more fat and water retention. If I were to splurge right now, with sugar or carbs...it would all go back into my muscles and do so carrying 3x its weight in water. I'd be back at square one almost. I'd fill up, I'd puff up. My definition would be gone, and I'd look 'soft'. So NOTHING is worth that right now. Not when I am THISCLOSE! ;)

 

 

When it's close . . .

Many will start the journey with you, but few will finish it. Ones that start as your biggest supporters, sometimes turn against you. The words of encouragement turn to words of dismay, disgust - just to name a few. I know when I am close to my competition (ie: 4 weeks out or less) because of the remarks I get. At your weakest time, people abandon you. Sometimes because they can't stand that you've made such drastic changes while they've made none. Or because they can only be around people who drink or eat junk. While that's fun, you would really think a true friendship should have nothing to do with those things. People think you are 'too skinny', 'too muscle-y', unfeminine, just to name a few. You can feel so AWESOME about your body, your improvements, how far you've come, just for some selfish ignorant person to tear you down in a few seconds. At the time when you are most in your own head, full of nervousness and doubt. In our society people think this is ok, but you don't see us going around saying how 'fat you are, I don't think it's pretty, you look unhealthy, you should eat better..". I would never do such a thing, and I love helping people, but it's so amazing how the opposite seems to be acceptable, maybe because they think we can handle it. So the last few weeks, you pull back, concentrate on you, keeping yourself together and mentally focused and cling to the few around you who just GET IT. Who understand, and don't judge and help you keep your sanity.