I did get a bed tan this time on Sunday and again today. Tuesday is the last time to bed tan as the tan caused inflammation/water retention. I will start my new tanning process with ProTan Line either tomorrow night(like before) or on Thursday morning(2x/day) as recommended. I'm antsy! I'm done being miserable and now I just want to BE THERE! I'm SUPER excited because I have met quite a few girls who are also doing this show, and one of them is my LONG time co-worker and friend whom I convinced to get on stage when I did my first show over 10 years ago. lol then I gained a bunch of weight after mine and couldn't do it with her and our other co-worker. She has since gone to Nationals and I am so proud of her! I am really excited to reconnect.
Interesting note - TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY! I am conflicted, lol.
Negatives: NO dinners, NO drinks, NO nights out(well i did have grilled chicken at Hooters on St Patty's), NO parties, etc etc. I'm tired, cranky, depressed, stressed, hungry..... No time off(I worked and did collections) and did my workout and prepared my food. blah.
Positives: I CHOSE THIS. This was my 'gift' to myself. I have a history of not so good Birthdays and I didn't want to rely on anyone or be let down, so this is ALL on me. I am doing a competition and looking the best ever have, I am celebrating ME. AND, some of my closest girlfriends will be there and my dad and we will be celebrating my Birthday after at Cheesecake Factory so THAT is my reward! And I can't wait!
THOUGHTS
At this point of the season, I have been dieting for approximately 5 months. I believe in overall health, and a Competition Diet is NOT HEALTHY. Most trainers(good ones) will make you take time off after a certain length of time. Your body and mind will wear down, and it will show in your stage presence. I am looking at 16 more weeks after this, including the Contra Costa in May, West Coast Classic in June and San Jose in July. My body is breaking down, my mind is not comprehending. Burnt out. October - July...that's 9 months of HARD training and dieting. "Eating Clean" is NOT the same as a Competition Diet. When you are eating clean, you can eat ANYTHING that you can 'pick, kill or catch'. Any fruit, veggie, protein, grain, etc. You have a large variety and many different nutrients. A competition diet is vary specific and limited. This is why we rely on supplements. I am planning my 'mental' breaks so that I can continue. If I don't, I will end up as before, rebelling and eating out of spite. I don't believe in extremes. I quit before because I saw too many girls become obsessed with their food and lack of realistic lifestyle. I saw it ruin friendships, marriages, etc. BALANCE is KEY in ALL things. And if I start to feel like a flipping apple is a 'bad' thing, that's out of control. It's not in a competition diet for me, but it's not 'bad'. This sport is truly what you make it. And you need to make it work for YOU.
Closing Thoughts
I have planned 'mental' breaks, where I will eat 'clean' but let my body refuel and then decide to move on. I WILL move on, but I need to check in with myself and make sure it is the right thing to do. I want to be able to keep pushing myself and enjoy the process, even the crazy parts! I am SO excited for this weekend! I have more muscle than ever, and have worked super hard for this. I can't wait to compare this season's pic to last years! mmm....Birthday Cake! :D
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