Post-Traumatic Diet Issues

Competing is not something i would ever recommend to someone with even a SLIGHT eating disorder. I get scared enough when I have clients that try insane things to lose weight(I don't mean theories, I mean I've had clients take drugs, take out all carbs, eat only salad, think if they work out 8hrs a day to burn 3,500cals they can lose a pound a day, etc etc). I would gear them more to a performance based goal so they can see their progress and eat to fuel their work. Competing in the bodybuildling world is completely judged on appearance, and leanness. You can be THE ROCKSTAR at your gym - but it's just not good enough. Cuz onstage, you can still be nothing. You start hating every ounce of fat on your body, and umm...HELLO?! We're women, we REQUIRE body fat! Not just for survival and brain function, but hips, ass, boobs, etc. CURVES! This is my story of how I deal with it.

 

I have always had an issue with my diet. Whether its that i get bored, i like trying different diets, i love food, oh I LOVE eating at different restaurants!...whatever. I binge eat. I dont purge, i dont go to the gym and workout like crazy. I just EAT! I accept it. Because i know that the rest of the time this is not a problem. So when i come off a show, even though i like my food and think ill be ok, once i start eating, its like i cant stop. This is not uncommon in this sport. But you go off track and then have to lose it all to start again.I can gain 20lbs in 2 weeks. Funny enough, last time, people noticed my changes within DAYS when I was leaning out. I gained 20lbs in 2 weeks, no one noticed. And I asked. lol

Protein Donuts! Recipe on my blog!

Now, this has always been me. I will eat anything not nailed down for 2 weeks, and then ill just kinda forget to eat for a few. Ill get busy at work or what have you so it always evens itself out. Maybe my body's way of coping with the stress i put it through.But when you diet, things get blurry, especially if you are dieting HARD. You get wrapped up in it all.  You start feeling like you can NEVER eat NORMAL again, whatever "normal" is to you. You feel like society will look down on you if you have dinner with your family. If you are calculating your ratios on your own, you may find yourself stranded at the end of the day with a calculator and notepad trying to figure out how you can get x amount of calories that are left with them being x grams of y. OMG!

And sometimes you just have to stop the madness and come back to the real world for a bit and regroup. Step out of the spotlight, spend time with your friends and family without them having to hear you drone on endlessly about your diet. Allow yourself and THEM to enjoy a meal without revolving it around your tupperware. It does alienate you from those around you. Some i could care less about. The people that say "let me know when you're done with your shows and we can go out" just wont hear from me. If you need me to drink or eat junk to be in my life...you can wait...indefinitely. But my dear family and friends, yes i will enjoy some time with them.

This is what i go through. ME. I have studied exercise and nutrition all my life. Dieted since i was in Jr High. Always played sports since my mom took me to a swim class at age 3. Masters degree in Kinesiology, minor in Sports Nutrition. I've competed in about 15 shows over the last 10 years. And afraid of a damn piece of fruit! I rebel. I eat. And there's a reason. The body(and mind/freedom) have been deprived so long, as in a famine. It is re-feeding itself to store for the next famine. It's a very hard thing to try to balance or moderate. So I eat. And I let myself because once it's run it's course, I can be me again. And then i come back to what i know to be true. And my energy comes back. My sanity comes back. Some people will eliminate food groups and eat competition clean all the time. Thats fine and we all live the life we choose. You have to do what resonates with you.

With that being said, what i like about it is that it does regulate my eating patterns by having a plan. I learn how to manipulate food and macronutrients in various forms to attain the appearance i desire. I love competing. But too much of anything can consume you. Dieting too long will take a toll on you, body and mind. It's funny because when I get to this point, no matter how great I've been on my diet and how much I like my food...as soon as that day hits...and we're all backstage...you KNOW we ALL have our goodie bags! And I realize I'm sane! I about DIED at NPC Governor's Cup when Figure went up DEAD LAST! I felt like there were just 12 of us sitting waiting for HOURS as EVERYONE else broke out the boxes of homemade cupcakes and cookies, Easter candy etc and all shared them around. errrr...I was hoping they'd just LEAVE! lol But I realized I was normal, and yes everyone rushes to BJ's or Cheesecake Factory for that celebratory meal. IT IS NOT CHEATING! After 12 weeks of doing what 99% of the population wouldn't even consider doing, ONE MEAL is well deserved!!! (most of us have...a lot....more)

For healthy non-competition what i have always been taught, and i believe in to this day is 80/20. If you are healthy/eat clean 80% of the time, you can have that treat 20% of the time.This time, I made the decision I always say I'm going to make. 80/20. I will get to my goal, 125 MY way. 80/20. A cheat meal. Honestly, I prefer the term 'treat' because the word 'cheat' is negative and makes me feel like I should be hiding in a closet eating it. Sometimes I'll 'quantify' my cheats. One "Cheat Meal" is a dinner at a restaurant- dinner dessert apps, the works! Sometimes you really need to shock the body also. OR, I'll allow myself Two "Treat Meals" which I qualify as a healthy option that might not be on my plan, for me this would be my soup and salad at Panera Bread.

I am at peace with myself. Sometimes I get mad at myself, yes. But everyday is a new day and one bad day is nothing when I know I have a history of success. You could get LAST place at a show. Forget that. What did you learn? Who was watching you, who did you inspire to try to make changes? You may not even know it. Those people at your gym, your friends, your family...they think you won. My dad tells my story as if I've won every show. :D I hear people promote me like I'm AMAZING! lol and yet my inner dialogue beats myself up. If you're a competitor, listen to yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself...just hard enough. ;)