Food Craving Confessions:How Chocolate cravings ended me at Burger king

First off, let me say I never said I was perfect. I can relate to my clients because I battle the same challenges. I like chocolate, I like fast food from time to time. None of these things are stocked at my house. And when its time to stick to plan, I do. But on this particular evening, I am VERY tired, taught 3 classes and worked all day.

I wanted chocolate. I tend to eat on cravings, when I have a plan, I just can't do that. However, I have freedom now, for 2 more weeks until I start cutting. I WANTED IT. There were Kashi almond chocolate bars at the gym and I told myself that would do, and would hold me over until I got home. Back and forth I went with myself. NO, I'm stopping at Target to get chocolate. Now I know I can't get a bag, it has to be ONE piece. But it's 9:30pm and I want to go home. "No, you go home and eat and you'll get over it." I pull out of the left turn late and get on the freeway. Of course, this conversation is not ending, much like a child arguing for a treat. I'm thinking of how I can do this with minimal effort (stopping, parking, lost time). Target? Safeway? Do I log this in my FitPal? My clients will see!

Then I see it, Burger King has a Hershey's chocolate pie that is amazing. Wouldn't you know it, one cheeseburger Whopper Jr Meal & Hershey pie order later.....I get to the window and ask why it's so expensive. He charged me for 2 pies. oh great. I explain I wanted one. He comes back and says "Its your lucky day, I'm too lazy to take it out of the bag, so you can keep it." (no charge). This man has NO IDEA what he's just done! lol He gives them to me, and my card. I start to take off and then think to check the bag. with ONLY pies. He's at the window, "ya, you're not done yet, go ahead and back up". >>>SO embarrassing! I back up...I'm thinking of how unsly I am right now and of course all this would happen when I decide to have this. He looks at me, smiles, and asks if I'm okay? I must be bright pink at this point. What does he think i'm wasted? lol I explain that my day started at 6:30am and I'm very tired. I try to act super sober. (I haven't drank at all).

Now I'm sitting here with it. sigh. Whatever. I did it. I'm gonna enjoy it at a snail's pace and probly won't even think about it again till I'm dieting and its just not an option then. Life's daily challenges lol ;)

St Jude's Give Thanks Walk 2012!

This year the St Jude Children's Hospital Give Thanks Walk was again held in San Jose at the Oakridge Mall. This is an indoor walk, 5 laps around the mall. There were many volunteers, I think even more than I remember last year, cheerin us on all along the way, handing out water bottles and high-fives.

Upon registration you get your prizes, after $35 raised you get a T-shirt, the next goal hit you get a tumbler, then a bag. I got up to the first 2 prizes.

 

Last year team NMT Fitness Tri Delta Gamma Theta raised $471 for St Jude. We had 7 registered participants, 3 ended up walking. My goal was to beat last year by raising $500. With a couple clients, Bally class members & friends, we more than DOUBLED it1 We ended up with 7 registered walkers at the event, raising $1,050.00!! 

Ok, now this is going to sound a bit nuts to some, but if you're like me, you'll understand. I started with St Jude's as a philanthropy in college at USCB. I am a Delta Delta Delta alumni and that was our philanthropy. So when I started my little business, it was important to me to do something. Around that time, I received something from St Jude and it just made sense.

Here's where I may lose a few of you, but read through. In May I found out my cat Tuffy had Cancer, caused by the Rabies vaccine. Cats are more succeptable to this than dogs. The warning is "may cause Cancer at the injection site." Well, it happened. I thought it was a bite, or a cyst, but it was Fibrosarcoma. I approved the first surgery thinking it was a precaution, but the results came back and I needed a specialist. You can read the full story, Tuffy's Fight,  but the short version is it was a month of hell, and she ended up having her leg amputated. But as I was going through this, I had my furball(which is like my child) and I was faced with the decision of if and which surgery to go with($4-5k), whether or not Radiation would be needed($7k), etc. To be faced with the decision of, 'we MAY be able to save her'...BUT it's all this money you don't have. . . my first thought came back to St Jude. What I was going through, is what these parents go through, with their Children! Children who are aware, ask questions, have fear. How can someone  possibly be in that situation, with their own child's life in their hands, not knowing/able to pay to save them?! It made this cause all the more real to me. That a parent can be helped, and get ALL the help they NEED without having to worry about the cost. Knowing that they are doing ALL that can be done. That is everything.

Journey through competitive fitness and coaching: November 2012 - Training

Journey through competitive fitness and coaching: November 2012 - Training: After coming back from the NPC Sac Show on the 3rd, I realized I was in one of my 'non-eating' phases. Basically I've always had a cycled ea...

November 2012 - Training

After coming back from the NPC Sac Show on the 3rd, I realized I was in one of my 'non-eating' phases. Basically I've always had a cycled eating pattern. I'll eat more for a few weeks, and then I'll basically have no cravings or desire to eat. So I decided to use that to my advantage. Even though I'm building right now, I just don't feel comfortable at this high of a weight. I was at my all time high of 144lbs. (My previous high was always 140). The stress and mess I had to deal with in the last few months took a toll on my eating and working out.

I decided to tighten up my diet and drop a few pounds. I didn't plot it out, I just modified what I was already eating by cutting my pre-workout PB&J in half, and replacing 2 of my meals for super clean ones: tilapia & asparagus, and salmon & asparagus. It ended up being high protein and low carb, about 105g carbs. I will also say I did have a few add-in items. Monday I had my friend's leftover bread pudding she had made from scratch for me. Tuesday night I had my 2 mini sliders leftover from Chili's. Small bites, made me happy. If i run out of food I throw in a Lean Cuisine at the end of the week. So, I'm down 3lbs. I would've liked another to be down to 140, but I'm pretty happy. I took my measurements and photos. I'm guessing I'm down about 1 lb of fat, and 2lbs of water. I feel better about how I look, though I definitely have a long way to go. But I'm happy to lose it slower and keep the muscle I am working SO hard to build. I most likely will bring the food back up this week to my 'maintenance' level and continue. I would like to do another drop week at the end of Nov/Beg December. I am guessing my competition weight will be around 125. We will see how much I can actually build and what that looks like when I lean out.

I am still using the M&F Trainer for my workouts and loving it! I lift 5 days/week. I don't do any 'cardio' per say, but I teach 2-Cycle classes and 5-Aqua classes per week, so it's there! ;)  Yesterday was legs & shoulders and my butt is definitely sore today! I really had to force myself through that workout last night. My basic diet for the last week, my drop week, is below. It's about 1400 cals. If I had sat down and figured it out the ratios would have been better, I just wanted to drop and didn't mind going strict, especially because I let myself keep my favorites.

 

Current stats: 141lbs, 22%BF (31lbs), 110lbs LBM.
 - I take this all with a grain of salt, because the BIA measurements fluctuate greatly, and unfortunately some fat caliper measurements you just can't take on your own. At the higher weight it read i was 112LBM, which I'm sad about because I was working to 115, but now looks like I'm back down to 110. We will see, I just HAVE to keep my lifts in, even though I am completely SLAMMED at work! 



 

Training for October, Weeks 1&2

I have really been debating which direction to take my training in for October. I definitely need some structure back. I have been getting in about 3x/wk splits. I've been getting sore, which is nice ;) I had a full work shop last weekend with my co-workers from various other clubs for kettlebell training on one day and 'suspension training' (think TRX) the next. Let me tell you I WAS SORE!! Sunday night, many things were uncomfortable to do, lol. It hurt to sneeze! Of course I'm pretty Bad ass, so I pick the most cocky guy there and try to take him on. ahhhh....I hold my own.

Anyhow, I'm still at a pretty heavy weight for me, but I really want to start lifting heavy and building some more muscle. I can see it starting to bounce back, but do I really want to up my calories and get...bigger? I was looking at my numbers for 'building' vs. 'leaning', and I've decided to create my meal plans in-between the two. I will be using the workouts from the M&F Workout Trainer which consist of 5 lifting days; lower body shoulders, upper body, lower body shoulders and full body, with abs each day. I am on Advanced Muscle Tone & Firm, based on the information I have provided to the program. I felt a huge difference and built muscle pretty quick when I started it before. I just have to MAKE the time each day.

I am starting at 144lbs, 22% BF. EEK! Yes, this is my absolute HIGHEST weight! I feel huge. Which is funny since the zone I target my regular clients for is 18-25% for health. (Of course, athletes and competitors are usually between 9% - 15% for females)

My food for the first 2 weeks is below. I am great during the week, but not so great on the weekends. 

    

   

I put myself on a 2,200 cal meal plan. At first, I was almost sick to my stomach because I was SO full! By the end of the week, I was hungry waiting for my next meal. Also, not only did I maintain my weight, but my scale would blink between my weight and the number below. I found out through my metabolic testing earlier this year that my body does much better at fat utilization at lower levels of HR or intervals such as lifting. 

   
I was VERY happy with my gains in these two weeks. All the definition is popping back. My weights are going up each week. Feeling pretty badass, not gonna lie! ;)


 
Here are some of the set-ups for the M&F Trainer workouts. LOVE 'em!

Now I will be working on my next food plan for the week and getting ready for the next lifts and takin' it up a notch!

Training goals for 2012-2013

As I've been taking time off to recoup and deal with life's challenges, I haven't stopped thinking about my training. While I miss my leanness, it's been nice to be free, sometimes TOO much at times! I definitely have enjoyed not having my shoulders feel broken among other things. I've been thinking, and researching and just trying to absorb all the infromation I can to embark on my new training journey.

I have worked with many coaches over the years, and I have loved all of them! I have learned so much! And as this is my profession, I also want to try what I learn and see what I can do. My MAIN focus is to find BALANCE, and something STABLE. I am SO over this diet yo-yo. I am going to really take my time to prep this season so that I can see what works for me, and what I can do without driving myself into a fit of Safeway cake. lol.

Mind you I am NOT where I want to be currently. I gained, let's just say, "A - LOT". I will of course post my progress photos once I am back where I want to be. So, In MY head I'm fat. Like Michellin Man FAT! Everyone around me thinks that's retarded and I look great. HA! Thank God for Spandex! lol However, I have it stuck in my head that I will build during the Holidays. Pretty Typical. And I'm excited about it! So I have been trying harder to lean out lately, I only have 2 more weeks to go! Now in my building process I'm not going to try to gain a lot of fat, I have 3 months so I can build slowly, but so far I think I will be able to build pretty well ;) I do have a little catch-up to do, but so far things are coming back, even after just a week. Last time I gained 1 lb in 2 weeks(supposedly). So 3 months to build.

AFTER New Years', I'll start my 3 month leaning phase. Now, here's the other reason Im starting 'early'. My Birthday is in March. Also the Arnold is in March. Last year, for my Birthday I was on the 3rd day of a carb depletion for the NPC Gov Cup. UGH! I am celebrating my Birthday this time! So I am making time for that, then back to it HARD for the final adjustments.

Of course, this can change at any time. I could find something I want to try and change course. I can do that ;) Because I am the one making the rules, it's easier for me to look forward to it. Because I can also let myself have a treat if I start to go nuts. But, I had to come back to this frame of mind. A month ago, two months ago when I was constantly breaking down on the freeway and dealing with my cat's cancer and mulitple surgeries, amputation and possible death....You couldnt get me away from a damn piece of cake. A few weeks ago, when I almost blacked out teaching a class and was breathless going up the gym stairs because I was having such high anxiety, I was in FEAR of working out. Can you imagine? ME - AFRAID of the gym?? WTH? Life happens. I have learned to accept the things I cannot change, work my azz off to change what I can, and get through it the best I know how, because I know where my roots are, and where my heart is. Sometimes all the 'motivational quotes' make you feel like you have to be 100% on or your...what? Lazy, making excuses, etc. I'm an 80% / 20% kinda gal. No one's perfect. I'M not  perfect. But if you do your best, most of the time...I think that's what counts.

If you are curious about my influences, I have been following Mike McErlane, who created Muscle&Fitness' Workout Trainer. He also for some reason saw fit to put lil ole' me in the Q&A Trainer section. I absolutely LOVE following Jim Stoppani, PhD. Could YOU see him in goggles and a lab coat?? To be able to have someone empirically describe how the body actually works in relation to bodybuilding is just amazing to me.  Also like reading Lee Labrada's articles as well. So i will be using a lot of what I have gotten from them, along with my own journals, and of course, education. I do have 6 years of college/graduate education in Exercise Physiology....not to mention about 30 different certifications. I should be able to handle this 'client', right? ;)

Race to the End of Summer 2012

Last Sunday, September 9th, 2012  a few of us donated some time and worked the Race to the End of Summer. I love supporting a great cause, and this race benefits the Leukemia and Lyphoma Society. My friend who owns Fit For Speed had a booth at the event and the Fit For Speed Girls donated time at a few of the race turns to direct traffic and encourage people along the way.

Believe it or not, this was a pretty big job! If someone is not there, people may not know to turn and veer off course, ruining their time and their race. Our spot at the 1/2 mile marker was the problem area last year, and BOY was it well marked this time! haha

 



It was pretty interesting the reactions we got. A lot of people were appreciative of our encouragement. They REALLY loved us on the way back telling them they were almost there and the finish line was right around the corner. But a few make remarks like "ya, says the girl in heels"...or "why don't YOU do it?" lol. You have NO IDEA! You do MY workouts! haha I did train for a 5k last year. I was very proud of that because I am NOT a runner. But my background and my friend Sara, who is a marathon runner(retired and now an NPC Bikini Competitor) and also a certified Olympic running coach, were much more than just pretty faces in heels.

 

We were stationed with an officer named Aaron of the SJPD. All of the officers were very friendly and made sure all traffic was directed around the race and provided police escorts to those needing to come through to get to their offices to work. Aaron also gave out police start badge stickers and helped to keep us informed on where the last racer was.

 

There were many great stories. We saw moms and dads running with their kids or pushing them in strollers along with one very prenant lil momma running. People would complete their race and then come back for their friends who may have gotten injured or just to lend them some support.

 

The race was supposed to end at 11am, however there was one very determined man named Frank who was finishing his half-marathon and they held the end open for him as he had his very own finish line party. 

Tuffy's Fight

 

When I first felt the bump, I thought it was a flea bite. I even thought maybe somehow her microchip (size of a grain of rice) had migrated. I was afraid it could be a tick. I tried to separate the fur but couldn't see anything. I was busy and working a lot, so I missed their bi-annual(6mo) comprehensive exam. (They are on a Wellness Plan through Banfield at Petsmart). It got to the size of a pencil eraser. I mentioned it when I took them in on a Monday and they performed an aspiration on Tuffy.(April 23, 2012) And aspiration is like a tiny biopsy, just a very small hollow needle to get some tissue to put on slides to analyze. (cost: $60)

 

(May 7, 2012) The results said it was a probable Mesenchymal tissue and the Dr suggested I could go to the Oncologist or they could remove the tumor there. I scheduled the surgery for the date of their follow-up appointment two weeks later. (cost: $600) When I picked her up, I was surprised at the size of the incision, about 3" long! I felt so bad for her and that first night at home I knew she was in pain and it was hard for her to walk on that leg. I thought it was over. I thought it was just precautionary. I had NO idea.

On Wednesday, May 9th I received an email from her Vet saying that the mass that was removed was confirmed to be fibrosarcoma which is very invasive and can originate from the Rabies vaccine. They tend to spread out in all directions and that a more extensive surgery would be required to try to remove all the tumor cells. “The mass was comprised of interlacing streams and bundles of spindeld shaped cells”. It was an Intermediate grade fibrosarcoma. The prognosis was “guarded”. She again suggested that I take her to an oncologist located in San Leandro, and also suggested chest x-rays that they could do at Banfield. I broke down at work. I was just sobbing and couldn't believe this could happen. I had done everything right to take care of my cats and I was being punished for it. I cancelled my classes and clients for the next day. I emailed her back and went in the next morning for those x-rays. I also called BAVS which because they are 24hr Emergency I was able to make the appointment that night for 2pm the next day.

On Thursday, May 10th I got the x-rays done in the morning at Banfield. They were clear. (cost: $220) Dr Couture was very comforting, as much as one could be. I trusted her. I took my cat back home and at 2pm mom went with me to BAVS. They suggested an ultrasound of the abdomen to make sure that was clear and also get a 3rd angle for the chest x-ray to be sent out to a specialist. (quoted 818-1126, actual cost: $600) We came back to pick her up after eating dinner and found the abdomen it was clear. So, the cancer had not spread to either the lungs or the abdomen. That was good news. I was not prepared for what they suggested next. They suggested amputation of the leg. I was floored. There was really no way to be sure how far the cancer had spread either way. The oncologist came back with the estimate for the amputation. I made her give me one for the 2nd option of surgery without amputation. I figured I didn't want to take her leg, especially if we didn't know if that would be enough or necessary. I would do the 2nd option and hope for the best. Oh, and radiation was recommended in both cases, daily for 3 weeks which would cost approximately $7,000! WHO has this money?? I was miserable. How could I not be able to save her because of money? What price is a life? In the past we didn't have these options, now we do, but..HOW do we do it?(quoted surgery cost: $3,132-3,339 w/o amputation, $3,747-4,247 with amputation)

(May 11, 2012) When Dr Strotner, the oncologist called me on Friday to follow-up, she informed me that the specialist had confirmed there was no visible cancer in the chest x-rays. I confirmed that I only wanted to do the 2nd operation and I scheduled it for Monday, as soon as possible.

(May 13, 2012) However, on Sunday I received an email from Dr Couture, her main vet. In it she stated that she got the report that I had a surgery scheduled, and that it was of course my choice but she urged me to do the amputation and it would give her the best chance of survival, and that cats really do well on 3 legs. And wasn't that the whole point after all? Her survival.

(May 14, 2012)When I went in to consult with the Dr. Carlsen, the surgeon, on Monday morning, she went over everything with me. She was also very comforting and I decided to let them amputate her leg. There was no guarantee. Since it was being done on Monday, there was a chance I could have the lab results from the mass being removed Thursday. I would not be able to breathe until I got those results back. I kept wondering if I did the right thing. Shortly after lunch she called me to let me know that the surgery was complete, and Tuffy had done well. There was no going back now. In a way I was relieved that the tough decision had been made and it was done. She was to be held overnight.  They usually like to keep them 2 nights but it was possible I could get her home after one. I had to pay the lower estimate value as the deposit.

(May 15, 2012) On Tuesday, I had expected to pick her up but she was not ready. I was able to go visit. Mom went with me as we were not sure how it would be to see her for the first time. They wait was horrible. I was so worried to see her, and they were doing a blood transfusion when we came. They put us in on of the rooms and brought her in. We were trying for a while to keep her from moving. It was painful to see her all stitched up, trying to stand and falling. She had an IV with a pain med drip. They we found a bump and freaked out. Sandy, the surgery tech, got the first available oncologist who aspirated it right there to put on a slide and found it was just dry skin or a cyst and we will follow up in 30 days to confirm. (free). Sandy told us we could put her on the floor if she's more comfortable. They were all so non-chalant about it, because they are used to seeing it all the time. They kept reassuring me she will be FINE with 3 legs! And not to be surprised at her doing all the same stuff as before. So we put her on the floor, and she kept getting up and falling. Eventually she crawled in my lap and was comfortable there. I realized as I was posting pictures later just how drugged she looked! haha her eyes were SO big!

(May 16, 2012) Wednesday mom and I went to go pick Tuffy up. We went through the discharge information. I paid the balance due.(cost: $4,412) Sandy had tried to get her to purr and pet her on her face like she liked and everything and she only purred when I was there. I would need to keep her confined for the next two weeks, and kept away from Dash. I got the spare litter box I had and put it in my bedroom along with her food and water bowls. An unexpected side affect is that Dash wants NOTHING to do with her. So sad. She smelled when I brought her home, like sugery, blood and urine. I used the pet wipes and cleaned her a bit. Dash just stared at her. He is still hissing and growling at her, like he’s afraid.

 

Thursday it was back to a full day for the first time in about 1 1/2 weeks, which means i was working until 10pm. Dad went by to check on her and give her her pain meds in the afternoon. But it was so hard to be happy that she was home, and concentrate on her recovery when I still didn't know if she was going to live. I had fears that this is how I was going to remember her, shaved, stitched, hobbling. Put through all that for nothing. And the stories of the tumors growing and opening, horrendous. The animal doesn't feel it, just as her leg never bothered her. But YOU know and YOU see.It's ALL I could think about!

 

(May 17, 2012) Then I had a missed call from a (510)#. My stomach tightened. I knew I needed to see my current client. It was everything I could do to get through that hour. I saw the voicemail notification. Before I was to train my general manager, i told her i had to take the voicemail. I was so scared. I had like 8 voicemails before it I needed to delete from an internet phone inquiry I made on a debt program. ugh. Then the message from the Oncologist. . . GOOD NEWS! The lab results showed a 6cm border of clear, cancer-free skin from the mass around the tumor that was removed. Almost certain it wont return. My baby is cancer-free! She will live! In my entire life, I have never known the feeling of crying for joy...until now. I was just sobbing. Words cannot express, the relief. I could breathe again. I could go home, and hold her and know she'll be ok. I can look her in the face. I called her back to let her know how Tuffy was doing. I told her about my blog and youtube and how I wanted people to know. She said how hard it is to see, and how people don't want to amputate the leg but most of the time, those are the surgeries that don't get it all. I saved her life. And it was Dr. Couture who changed my mind at the last moment. wow. It was over.

TOTAL COST TO SAVE A LIFE: $5,892

 I still can't believe all that has happened in the last few weeks. But Tuffy is doing fine, hobbling along better each day. It is a hard decision, but it's literally "life or limb". DO NOT HOLD BACK. Do WHATEVER is necessary to save your loved one. It also put it in perspective when my friend commented on my photo saying he 'hears' its not too bad after amputation. He's an amputee. Of all people he would know. And it comforted me.

               

(May 20, 2012) Tuffy is adapting quite well. She still purrs all the time. She is getting around quite well on 3 legs. She hasn't learned how to hop up yet, but she can definitely hop down off the bed or couch. She's able to use the litterbox and squat again like a normal cat, on her one hind leg. I am just SO glad I made the decision, and so grateful to Dr Couture for keeping in touch with me and changing my mind! We are contacting the vaccine manufacturer, I'm not sure what will happen. I have also contacted my attorney for his feedback. I want every pet-owner to know that this is a reality. It's not just like those commercials we laugh at the long list of side affects. DEATH should NOT be a 'side-affect', and we should not be forced to give our pets (OR our children!) vaccines that can kill them. 

*That night as I was prepping my food for the next day, I heard her hop up on the couch, all be herself! 

Talk to your Vet, ask the tough questions. It could save your little furball's life. 

For more on our fight, see the links below.
Tuffy's Fight Blog - Full Story
Tuffy's Fight on YouTube - Meet Tuffy and see her recovery! Know that a 3-legged cat can be happy, healthy and get along just fine! ;)