Training goals for 2012-2013

As I've been taking time off to recoup and deal with life's challenges, I haven't stopped thinking about my training. While I miss my leanness, it's been nice to be free, sometimes TOO much at times! I definitely have enjoyed not having my shoulders feel broken among other things. I've been thinking, and researching and just trying to absorb all the infromation I can to embark on my new training journey.

I have worked with many coaches over the years, and I have loved all of them! I have learned so much! And as this is my profession, I also want to try what I learn and see what I can do. My MAIN focus is to find BALANCE, and something STABLE. I am SO over this diet yo-yo. I am going to really take my time to prep this season so that I can see what works for me, and what I can do without driving myself into a fit of Safeway cake. lol.

Mind you I am NOT where I want to be currently. I gained, let's just say, "A - LOT". I will of course post my progress photos once I am back where I want to be. So, In MY head I'm fat. Like Michellin Man FAT! Everyone around me thinks that's retarded and I look great. HA! Thank God for Spandex! lol However, I have it stuck in my head that I will build during the Holidays. Pretty Typical. And I'm excited about it! So I have been trying harder to lean out lately, I only have 2 more weeks to go! Now in my building process I'm not going to try to gain a lot of fat, I have 3 months so I can build slowly, but so far I think I will be able to build pretty well ;) I do have a little catch-up to do, but so far things are coming back, even after just a week. Last time I gained 1 lb in 2 weeks(supposedly). So 3 months to build.

AFTER New Years', I'll start my 3 month leaning phase. Now, here's the other reason Im starting 'early'. My Birthday is in March. Also the Arnold is in March. Last year, for my Birthday I was on the 3rd day of a carb depletion for the NPC Gov Cup. UGH! I am celebrating my Birthday this time! So I am making time for that, then back to it HARD for the final adjustments.

Of course, this can change at any time. I could find something I want to try and change course. I can do that ;) Because I am the one making the rules, it's easier for me to look forward to it. Because I can also let myself have a treat if I start to go nuts. But, I had to come back to this frame of mind. A month ago, two months ago when I was constantly breaking down on the freeway and dealing with my cat's cancer and mulitple surgeries, amputation and possible death....You couldnt get me away from a damn piece of cake. A few weeks ago, when I almost blacked out teaching a class and was breathless going up the gym stairs because I was having such high anxiety, I was in FEAR of working out. Can you imagine? ME - AFRAID of the gym?? WTH? Life happens. I have learned to accept the things I cannot change, work my azz off to change what I can, and get through it the best I know how, because I know where my roots are, and where my heart is. Sometimes all the 'motivational quotes' make you feel like you have to be 100% on or your...what? Lazy, making excuses, etc. I'm an 80% / 20% kinda gal. No one's perfect. I'M not  perfect. But if you do your best, most of the time...I think that's what counts.

If you are curious about my influences, I have been following Mike McErlane, who created Muscle&Fitness' Workout Trainer. He also for some reason saw fit to put lil ole' me in the Q&A Trainer section. I absolutely LOVE following Jim Stoppani, PhD. Could YOU see him in goggles and a lab coat?? To be able to have someone empirically describe how the body actually works in relation to bodybuilding is just amazing to me.  Also like reading Lee Labrada's articles as well. So i will be using a lot of what I have gotten from them, along with my own journals, and of course, education. I do have 6 years of college/graduate education in Exercise Physiology....not to mention about 30 different certifications. I should be able to handle this 'client', right? ;)

Playing Head games with yourself

This week was Valentine's. I was not plagued by the fact that, yet again, I don't have anyone. That actually didn't even bother me oddly enough. I didn't even notice Valentine's Day coming. What irked me the most, what that everyone else was DOING something. Valentine's Candy!!! Dinners! ugh. On top of it being a very stressful week for me, with lots to figure out trying to manage my time and make some tough choices.

I went on a 'date' with a girlfriend of mine who's boyfriend was away and went to Panera for a salad. I felt guilty over my chicken salad. But I NEEDED it. I used to have a cheat meal a week and let me tell you it was a FAT one! I don't get those now, but I did need something, some kind of treat. Well, then I had more. I'm not going to go into details, but it was not what I should have had. So I am really balancing two lives, two ways of thought. On one hand, "come on! You can't eat like this forever! You should be able to have a treat one in a while, to stay sane and make this a part of your life that you can continue." And this is because I have had a problem of going out of control off-season and then having to diet like crazy to get down to where I already was. So to me, it is a great accomplishment if I can train myself to have a 'regular' healthy meal from time to time and then eat 'clean' the rest of the time. A cheat meal can jump/trick your metabolism and aid in weight loss and serve as a mental upper, something to look forward to and keep you going, as a reward. On the other hand, "the other girls are not cheating! They are killing themselves to beat you and you need to do the same. You need to be strong, and NOT cheat! Every cheat takes you farther from your goal". It is very hard, and there are a lot of people on either side of this view.

So I decided to give myself a mental break. I had what I felt I needed to be sane. I gave myself an out. The option to NOT do the show. To take this week, and get through what I need to get through and keep doing the best I can and see what happens in 2 weeks. See how I feel then and what I look like. Here's the odd thing. There was a meeting and there were some great looking croissants and muffins. So, I told myself I could have one. I kept looking at them every time I walked by. You know what? I didn't have one. I made the decision not to. I have used reverse psychology a lot on myself. My first season I could literally smell EVERY food on the 1/2 hr drive back home each night. Finally I just told myself, "you know what? You CAN eat that! YOU are the one CHOOSING to this. No one else is here, or will see, and it's no one's business really." And just telling myself that, made me think that no, I don't need this now. This food will be around forever, I can have it whenever I want, like after the show. After I get lean if I still want i can have that.

You start seeing your body differently. Depending on your water/hydration levels, what you've worked on that day or the previous day, you can wake up thinking: I look amazing/I look soft/I look fat/I look lean/I look normal and so on. You sometimes just need to trust the process, your trainer or yourself. Keep at it and the body will change. That is why it is so important to have a coach/trainer that can give you an objective opinion. Today, I think about how much I need to lose(6lbs, TOTALLY doable) and I'm down to 16%BF. But I feel very soft. ugh. Only listen to the positive unless you can be objective. Find what works for you. Sometimes it may be a pep talk, or others a lecture, or maybe just some time to yourself to reorganize your thoughts.

Let me also say, I DO have every intention of doing this show. Im actually dieting harder on my own and carb cycling than I have before. I have more muscle and look better than I have ever looked. So I have lots of creative ways I will be keeping my food fun and will be sharing them with you. Stay tuned! ;)