Food Craving Confessions:How Chocolate cravings ended me at Burger king

First off, let me say I never said I was perfect. I can relate to my clients because I battle the same challenges. I like chocolate, I like fast food from time to time. None of these things are stocked at my house. And when its time to stick to plan, I do. But on this particular evening, I am VERY tired, taught 3 classes and worked all day.

I wanted chocolate. I tend to eat on cravings, when I have a plan, I just can't do that. However, I have freedom now, for 2 more weeks until I start cutting. I WANTED IT. There were Kashi almond chocolate bars at the gym and I told myself that would do, and would hold me over until I got home. Back and forth I went with myself. NO, I'm stopping at Target to get chocolate. Now I know I can't get a bag, it has to be ONE piece. But it's 9:30pm and I want to go home. "No, you go home and eat and you'll get over it." I pull out of the left turn late and get on the freeway. Of course, this conversation is not ending, much like a child arguing for a treat. I'm thinking of how I can do this with minimal effort (stopping, parking, lost time). Target? Safeway? Do I log this in my FitPal? My clients will see!

Then I see it, Burger King has a Hershey's chocolate pie that is amazing. Wouldn't you know it, one cheeseburger Whopper Jr Meal & Hershey pie order later.....I get to the window and ask why it's so expensive. He charged me for 2 pies. oh great. I explain I wanted one. He comes back and says "Its your lucky day, I'm too lazy to take it out of the bag, so you can keep it." (no charge). This man has NO IDEA what he's just done! lol He gives them to me, and my card. I start to take off and then think to check the bag. with ONLY pies. He's at the window, "ya, you're not done yet, go ahead and back up". >>>SO embarrassing! I back up...I'm thinking of how unsly I am right now and of course all this would happen when I decide to have this. He looks at me, smiles, and asks if I'm okay? I must be bright pink at this point. What does he think i'm wasted? lol I explain that my day started at 6:30am and I'm very tired. I try to act super sober. (I haven't drank at all).

Now I'm sitting here with it. sigh. Whatever. I did it. I'm gonna enjoy it at a snail's pace and probly won't even think about it again till I'm dieting and its just not an option then. Life's daily challenges lol ;)

Training goals for 2012-2013

As I've been taking time off to recoup and deal with life's challenges, I haven't stopped thinking about my training. While I miss my leanness, it's been nice to be free, sometimes TOO much at times! I definitely have enjoyed not having my shoulders feel broken among other things. I've been thinking, and researching and just trying to absorb all the infromation I can to embark on my new training journey.

I have worked with many coaches over the years, and I have loved all of them! I have learned so much! And as this is my profession, I also want to try what I learn and see what I can do. My MAIN focus is to find BALANCE, and something STABLE. I am SO over this diet yo-yo. I am going to really take my time to prep this season so that I can see what works for me, and what I can do without driving myself into a fit of Safeway cake. lol.

Mind you I am NOT where I want to be currently. I gained, let's just say, "A - LOT". I will of course post my progress photos once I am back where I want to be. So, In MY head I'm fat. Like Michellin Man FAT! Everyone around me thinks that's retarded and I look great. HA! Thank God for Spandex! lol However, I have it stuck in my head that I will build during the Holidays. Pretty Typical. And I'm excited about it! So I have been trying harder to lean out lately, I only have 2 more weeks to go! Now in my building process I'm not going to try to gain a lot of fat, I have 3 months so I can build slowly, but so far I think I will be able to build pretty well ;) I do have a little catch-up to do, but so far things are coming back, even after just a week. Last time I gained 1 lb in 2 weeks(supposedly). So 3 months to build.

AFTER New Years', I'll start my 3 month leaning phase. Now, here's the other reason Im starting 'early'. My Birthday is in March. Also the Arnold is in March. Last year, for my Birthday I was on the 3rd day of a carb depletion for the NPC Gov Cup. UGH! I am celebrating my Birthday this time! So I am making time for that, then back to it HARD for the final adjustments.

Of course, this can change at any time. I could find something I want to try and change course. I can do that ;) Because I am the one making the rules, it's easier for me to look forward to it. Because I can also let myself have a treat if I start to go nuts. But, I had to come back to this frame of mind. A month ago, two months ago when I was constantly breaking down on the freeway and dealing with my cat's cancer and mulitple surgeries, amputation and possible death....You couldnt get me away from a damn piece of cake. A few weeks ago, when I almost blacked out teaching a class and was breathless going up the gym stairs because I was having such high anxiety, I was in FEAR of working out. Can you imagine? ME - AFRAID of the gym?? WTH? Life happens. I have learned to accept the things I cannot change, work my azz off to change what I can, and get through it the best I know how, because I know where my roots are, and where my heart is. Sometimes all the 'motivational quotes' make you feel like you have to be 100% on or your...what? Lazy, making excuses, etc. I'm an 80% / 20% kinda gal. No one's perfect. I'M not  perfect. But if you do your best, most of the time...I think that's what counts.

If you are curious about my influences, I have been following Mike McErlane, who created Muscle&Fitness' Workout Trainer. He also for some reason saw fit to put lil ole' me in the Q&A Trainer section. I absolutely LOVE following Jim Stoppani, PhD. Could YOU see him in goggles and a lab coat?? To be able to have someone empirically describe how the body actually works in relation to bodybuilding is just amazing to me.  Also like reading Lee Labrada's articles as well. So i will be using a lot of what I have gotten from them, along with my own journals, and of course, education. I do have 6 years of college/graduate education in Exercise Physiology....not to mention about 30 different certifications. I should be able to handle this 'client', right? ;)

Life . . . happens

 I'm a planner by nature. A few months ago, I had it all planned out. 5 shows, ending with Nationals. Then I found out my good friend was getting married the weekend of Nationals. Meanwhile, my car broke down and needed to be fixed, and fixed. . . and fixed. I am currently driving with the Engine and the O/D Off lights on, lol. I realized as my body wasn't responding to my training, I needed a break as I had been dieting for 5 months. I also realized I needed to get my finances back in check. Competing is an EXPENSIVE hobby! Food is expensive when you are eating fresh fruits and veggies, salmon, supplements, plus hair, tanning, suits, makeup, etc etc. If you are planning your first show/season, be prepared to spend about $2k. You can definitely cut corners as I do, but you will still run about that much. I know some who spend MUCH more. I am better able to concentrate on my clients. I also had clients that wanted to train and I don't turn down work. Currently 3 of the slots I was lifting are now filled with clients. I work from approx 8am to 9 or 10pm. I commute approximately 30-60minutes each way. I am grateful for work in this unstable economy. Sometimes you never know when that paycheck will be your last.

The last blow, is my furball Tuffy having a tumor removed, finding out it is Fibrosarcoma (Cancer), discovering they did not get all of it. This is a common Cancer at the injection site of the Rabies vaccine, which is mandatory. The stories are horrendous, and  I read it as 1 in 3,000 cases have this outcome. Fibrosarcoma is locally aggressive, which means it has a tendancy to reoccur in the same spot. I then had to take her to an Oncologist. She had chest x-rays, and an obdominal ultra sound. Both areas showed clear of the Cancer. They recommended another surgery, including amputating the leg on that side. (~$4,000). They said to 'be more sure', but there really is no guarantee. I asked for the alternative surgery, not removing her leg(~$3,200). No matter how hard I tried to think it may be the 'better option', I just couldn't bear to take a perfectly good leg. The fat pad they removed(subcutaneous layer) also showed clear of cancer, so I am thinking the muscle should be safe under that as well. The Oncologist said the fascia of the muscles tends to be relatively good at blocking cancer so the surgeon would remove the top layer of the fascia. It's just a matter of getting enough skin. Well, cats definitely have extra skin, so here's hoping. Also, Radiation is recommended daily for 3 weeks, however I do not have the $7,000 that it costs. Who has this kind of money? It's not fair that there is more treatment that could be had, but I just can't afford it. What price is a life worth?

Some may think I'm "not a competitor", or what not. I'm all for "no excuses!" and all that, but I tend to overwork myself til I break. So I have had to learn to back off when I need to. The last thing I need is to stress myself out over something that is really not as important as me paying bills or saving a life.

I have had to switch my priorities temporarily. I have spent time working on my business, building it, struggling like most people to make ends meet. I have been researching what to do for my cat and I have had people message me in support and share ideas with me that I have greatly appreciated. If you are not an animal person, you won't understand. But my twins I caught as ferrel kittens, tamed and love like kids. They are just 6 and it is just unfathomable to me that I have them on a wellness plan, got all their vaccines, took care of them and one could DIE because of it. It is just not fair. She is only 6 years old. She had been glued to my side. Tomorrow is the next, more agressive(and last) surgery. I meet with the surgeon in the morning, they will operate at night. Then I must wait to get the lab results back to see if they were able to get all of it. Sit and hope. Hope I made the right decision.

I am trying a few things, such as the Cancer Diet. I am trying the Cottage Cheese/flax oil mixture, but so far she is not liking it. I have a lot of friends/family friends who are fighting caner and are swearing by it, at least feeling better. I have also ordered the Cat Cancer supplement. Both have lots of rave reviews. Who knows? I'm willing to try anything. Because of this search, it has also changed a bit of how I view my diet. I am going to be trying a few new things. More plant-based fats and new ideas. I will be sharing that with you as well. In case you are interested, or find yourself dealing with Fibrosarcoma, Cancer in either pets or people, I have included the links I have found or have been shared with me. Life is always changing. I have learned that no matter how well I plan, I must always have a backup plan, or be ready, willing and accepting to change that plan.

For more info on Fibrosarcoma in Cats:
http://www.vetinfo.com/cfibro.html

Dr Johanna Budwig's Diet & Protocol:
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.healingcancernaturally.com%2Fpet-cancer-cure-testimonials.html&h=pAQEiEdX6
(This is the link for dog & cats, but it's from the more extensive diet for people)

ES Clear by Pet Wellbeing
http://www.petwellbeing.com/products/cat-cancer