NPC Emerald Cup - 8 weeks out

Well, we're at 8 weeks out! This week I took some progress pics finally and also sent them to Sara. She asked if I was still having fruit which I am. 1/2 banana on my hard days and 6 or so strawberries on my lighter days. She told me no more cheat days except for my Birthday. Which I needed her to tell me. This is going to be a BIG show and I want to present at my best EVER. So as of today, I am down to 131lbs, approximately 17.7% BF so down about 1%. My goal is approximately 12% at 125lbs. (Lower % if possible, my first year I was 9% so I'd like to see what I look like there.)

 
March 5th 2013                                                                   March 8th 2013

So I need to KILL myself the next few weeks because I have a fitness conference Thursday - Sunday. So instead of my normal 2 days rest, I need to start RIGHT OVER tomorrow to get all 5 lifts in before the 4 day conference(which is all workouts) and then RIGHT back into Day 1 lift on Monday. So about 19 days straight. Right now my back is locking up and I should be going to the chiropractor. When it locks up I can feel my spine, it cracks a lot, and my low back is tight. I can't move my neck/head that much. I am in pain around T4(thoracic) and my neck. I don't like to take meds, but I'm taking some now. I try to stretch a lot, hang to decompress my spine and roll on my foam roller.

 
Our Mantra                                                                             This week's food

So I did my lift...it was short, and hey, I'm not stupid so I didn't do my Cleans or Jump Rope. My back was trying to give out on the BB Front Squats and I tried one clean and I could hear my back crunching. I did a nice 30mins on the stairs instead of the treadmill.


Makin' it happen

Post-Traumatic Diet Issues

Competing is not something i would ever recommend to someone with even a SLIGHT eating disorder. I get scared enough when I have clients that try insane things to lose weight(I don't mean theories, I mean I've had clients take drugs, take out all carbs, eat only salad, think if they work out 8hrs a day to burn 3,500cals they can lose a pound a day, etc etc). I would gear them more to a performance based goal so they can see their progress and eat to fuel their work. Competing in the bodybuildling world is completely judged on appearance, and leanness. You can be THE ROCKSTAR at your gym - but it's just not good enough. Cuz onstage, you can still be nothing. You start hating every ounce of fat on your body, and umm...HELLO?! We're women, we REQUIRE body fat! Not just for survival and brain function, but hips, ass, boobs, etc. CURVES! This is my story of how I deal with it.

 

I have always had an issue with my diet. Whether its that i get bored, i like trying different diets, i love food, oh I LOVE eating at different restaurants!...whatever. I binge eat. I dont purge, i dont go to the gym and workout like crazy. I just EAT! I accept it. Because i know that the rest of the time this is not a problem. So when i come off a show, even though i like my food and think ill be ok, once i start eating, its like i cant stop. This is not uncommon in this sport. But you go off track and then have to lose it all to start again.I can gain 20lbs in 2 weeks. Funny enough, last time, people noticed my changes within DAYS when I was leaning out. I gained 20lbs in 2 weeks, no one noticed. And I asked. lol

Protein Donuts! Recipe on my blog!

Now, this has always been me. I will eat anything not nailed down for 2 weeks, and then ill just kinda forget to eat for a few. Ill get busy at work or what have you so it always evens itself out. Maybe my body's way of coping with the stress i put it through.But when you diet, things get blurry, especially if you are dieting HARD. You get wrapped up in it all.  You start feeling like you can NEVER eat NORMAL again, whatever "normal" is to you. You feel like society will look down on you if you have dinner with your family. If you are calculating your ratios on your own, you may find yourself stranded at the end of the day with a calculator and notepad trying to figure out how you can get x amount of calories that are left with them being x grams of y. OMG!

And sometimes you just have to stop the madness and come back to the real world for a bit and regroup. Step out of the spotlight, spend time with your friends and family without them having to hear you drone on endlessly about your diet. Allow yourself and THEM to enjoy a meal without revolving it around your tupperware. It does alienate you from those around you. Some i could care less about. The people that say "let me know when you're done with your shows and we can go out" just wont hear from me. If you need me to drink or eat junk to be in my life...you can wait...indefinitely. But my dear family and friends, yes i will enjoy some time with them.

This is what i go through. ME. I have studied exercise and nutrition all my life. Dieted since i was in Jr High. Always played sports since my mom took me to a swim class at age 3. Masters degree in Kinesiology, minor in Sports Nutrition. I've competed in about 15 shows over the last 10 years. And afraid of a damn piece of fruit! I rebel. I eat. And there's a reason. The body(and mind/freedom) have been deprived so long, as in a famine. It is re-feeding itself to store for the next famine. It's a very hard thing to try to balance or moderate. So I eat. And I let myself because once it's run it's course, I can be me again. And then i come back to what i know to be true. And my energy comes back. My sanity comes back. Some people will eliminate food groups and eat competition clean all the time. Thats fine and we all live the life we choose. You have to do what resonates with you.

With that being said, what i like about it is that it does regulate my eating patterns by having a plan. I learn how to manipulate food and macronutrients in various forms to attain the appearance i desire. I love competing. But too much of anything can consume you. Dieting too long will take a toll on you, body and mind. It's funny because when I get to this point, no matter how great I've been on my diet and how much I like my food...as soon as that day hits...and we're all backstage...you KNOW we ALL have our goodie bags! And I realize I'm sane! I about DIED at NPC Governor's Cup when Figure went up DEAD LAST! I felt like there were just 12 of us sitting waiting for HOURS as EVERYONE else broke out the boxes of homemade cupcakes and cookies, Easter candy etc and all shared them around. errrr...I was hoping they'd just LEAVE! lol But I realized I was normal, and yes everyone rushes to BJ's or Cheesecake Factory for that celebratory meal. IT IS NOT CHEATING! After 12 weeks of doing what 99% of the population wouldn't even consider doing, ONE MEAL is well deserved!!! (most of us have...a lot....more)

For healthy non-competition what i have always been taught, and i believe in to this day is 80/20. If you are healthy/eat clean 80% of the time, you can have that treat 20% of the time.This time, I made the decision I always say I'm going to make. 80/20. I will get to my goal, 125 MY way. 80/20. A cheat meal. Honestly, I prefer the term 'treat' because the word 'cheat' is negative and makes me feel like I should be hiding in a closet eating it. Sometimes I'll 'quantify' my cheats. One "Cheat Meal" is a dinner at a restaurant- dinner dessert apps, the works! Sometimes you really need to shock the body also. OR, I'll allow myself Two "Treat Meals" which I qualify as a healthy option that might not be on my plan, for me this would be my soup and salad at Panera Bread.

I am at peace with myself. Sometimes I get mad at myself, yes. But everyday is a new day and one bad day is nothing when I know I have a history of success. You could get LAST place at a show. Forget that. What did you learn? Who was watching you, who did you inspire to try to make changes? You may not even know it. Those people at your gym, your friends, your family...they think you won. My dad tells my story as if I've won every show. :D I hear people promote me like I'm AMAZING! lol and yet my inner dialogue beats myself up. If you're a competitor, listen to yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself...just hard enough. ;)

24 hour eating spree!

Figure went on DEAD last. That means we got to watch everyone else come backstage and tear into their goodies. Torture!
But thats literally what happens. We all rush down(hopefully with trophies) and eat and share - cookies, cupcakes, brownies, this time of year Cadbury Eggs etc. Then off to whatever restaurant is open, usually BJ's and Cheesecake Factory are open til 12 or 1am.
Your body doesnt even care that its full, its been deprived SO long it will take in whatever you give it to survive the next "famine". We also call this a "re-feed" as the last few weeks(hell week especially) we deplete our bodies so much and get way leaner than what nature would allow. Its super hard not to go overboard.
I will say my 24hrs stretched to 48. Below are just some of the meals i devoured. Tomorrow i will start a 2 day carb depletion and an hour of cardio/day to bring me back in line. I have Contra Costa in just under 6 weeks. My body has been hard to drop lately so hopefully it is now sufficiently confused enough to create change.
I have a fitness conference this week. All day Aqua Certification Thursday, followed by 3 days full of cycling, aqua, pilates & bootcamp classes. This will help burn all those extra calories and i will be bringing my meals of course. I will make those my "high carb" days to begin my carb cycling. Here we go!



BJ's Spinach Artichoke Dip



BJ's Pizza



Mimi's

BJ's

Applebee's

Playing Head games with yourself

This week was Valentine's. I was not plagued by the fact that, yet again, I don't have anyone. That actually didn't even bother me oddly enough. I didn't even notice Valentine's Day coming. What irked me the most, what that everyone else was DOING something. Valentine's Candy!!! Dinners! ugh. On top of it being a very stressful week for me, with lots to figure out trying to manage my time and make some tough choices.

I went on a 'date' with a girlfriend of mine who's boyfriend was away and went to Panera for a salad. I felt guilty over my chicken salad. But I NEEDED it. I used to have a cheat meal a week and let me tell you it was a FAT one! I don't get those now, but I did need something, some kind of treat. Well, then I had more. I'm not going to go into details, but it was not what I should have had. So I am really balancing two lives, two ways of thought. On one hand, "come on! You can't eat like this forever! You should be able to have a treat one in a while, to stay sane and make this a part of your life that you can continue." And this is because I have had a problem of going out of control off-season and then having to diet like crazy to get down to where I already was. So to me, it is a great accomplishment if I can train myself to have a 'regular' healthy meal from time to time and then eat 'clean' the rest of the time. A cheat meal can jump/trick your metabolism and aid in weight loss and serve as a mental upper, something to look forward to and keep you going, as a reward. On the other hand, "the other girls are not cheating! They are killing themselves to beat you and you need to do the same. You need to be strong, and NOT cheat! Every cheat takes you farther from your goal". It is very hard, and there are a lot of people on either side of this view.

So I decided to give myself a mental break. I had what I felt I needed to be sane. I gave myself an out. The option to NOT do the show. To take this week, and get through what I need to get through and keep doing the best I can and see what happens in 2 weeks. See how I feel then and what I look like. Here's the odd thing. There was a meeting and there were some great looking croissants and muffins. So, I told myself I could have one. I kept looking at them every time I walked by. You know what? I didn't have one. I made the decision not to. I have used reverse psychology a lot on myself. My first season I could literally smell EVERY food on the 1/2 hr drive back home each night. Finally I just told myself, "you know what? You CAN eat that! YOU are the one CHOOSING to this. No one else is here, or will see, and it's no one's business really." And just telling myself that, made me think that no, I don't need this now. This food will be around forever, I can have it whenever I want, like after the show. After I get lean if I still want i can have that.

You start seeing your body differently. Depending on your water/hydration levels, what you've worked on that day or the previous day, you can wake up thinking: I look amazing/I look soft/I look fat/I look lean/I look normal and so on. You sometimes just need to trust the process, your trainer or yourself. Keep at it and the body will change. That is why it is so important to have a coach/trainer that can give you an objective opinion. Today, I think about how much I need to lose(6lbs, TOTALLY doable) and I'm down to 16%BF. But I feel very soft. ugh. Only listen to the positive unless you can be objective. Find what works for you. Sometimes it may be a pep talk, or others a lecture, or maybe just some time to yourself to reorganize your thoughts.

Let me also say, I DO have every intention of doing this show. Im actually dieting harder on my own and carb cycling than I have before. I have more muscle and look better than I have ever looked. So I have lots of creative ways I will be keeping my food fun and will be sharing them with you. Stay tuned! ;)

Cheating

People are always curious if competitors "cheat". And what, exactly, IS cheating? Cheating means different things for different people.

My first season I had a cheat meal once a week. I was dieting VERY strict, and carb cycling from 13 1/2 wks out. I started at only 113lbs and ended on stage at 108lbs, 9%BF. My cheat meal, became a cheat DAY. I would have dinner at Chili's with my family and get the Southwestern egg rolls & the Molten for dessert. Ate it ALL!

I started getting so that I would have no cheats the last 4 weeks as they are crucial to tighten things up. For my last show(NPC SJ 2011-3rd place Figure C), I worked with Fatima and there were no cheats. It was fine for me.

In the off-season I went crazy. I gained a lot. But when im trying to stay close to my diet, more "fun" veggies like corn, some greek yogurt, fruit...my meal I call a "treat" meal because it'll be soup & salad at Panera, which is pretty healthy though of course not competition food.

My goal is to get back to 4wks out and maintain that by having a less strict diet until 4wks out. Ideally. A cheat meal is really a mental thing. I feel that some people can't control themselves, me sometimes also, and its best not to do it, and train yourself to be able to handle it in the off-season.

So how did I fair the Holidays? Well, no excuses. I did well, until Christmas weekend. All bets were off and im already planning my extra cardio sessions. I know my body and I know I set myself back. But this may be my Oma's last Christmas, and it was the first Christmas my mom and I were able to be part of a family, my co-workers amazing Portuguese family and I made choices that I will make up for. No excuses. Fact.

Pic: Traditional Christmas Eve dinner Weisswurst(Bockwurst), cucumber&potato salad, Blaukraut(blue sauerkraut)